Another Medium of Expression

If you had read my previous posts, you would've realised that I wasn't feeling that hot and I often complained about the state of loneliness I was feeling and all that. Well, truth be told, I've kinda moved on and I try to avoid everything in the fear that I wuold do something destructive. It's not a nice feeling. I have shown people how I felt inside when I'm feeling down and I don't like it, honestly. But that being said, you can't run away or avoid everything forever and you soon need to face the things that made you feel the way you didn't want to. People, sometimes in general, made me feel insecure, scared, lonely...you name it. But it's not right to avoid things. Friends even. Sometimes maybe they don't get you and you feel hurt inside, but you gotta learn that not everyone can attend to your needs. Took me awhile to realise that. Everyone is different and you gotta accept people for being that way. People grow up differently, people see things differently...It's just life.

Well, despite me moving on and trying to look for the best in everything, the pessimist inside me won't go away. In fact I want him to stay. Keeps me grounded, and at times, sane. During my times of feeling down, the he kinda made me question everything and be wary of what ever's around.

Anyway, if you guys didn't really fully comprehend my state during the down times, maybe these recordings might give you an idea.


Jumping at Shadows





Minor Blues





These were recorded in a sound studio, backing and lead parts played by me. If you want the backing track just leave a comment and I can give you all I have.

Looking Back

A good friend of mine retold a visit he had to his great grand-father. The bedridden man, despite his physical disabilities in his old age still went about trying to make his family feel comfortable and happy. Despite his frail and weak body, he manages to laugh. However, the one thing he said to my friend which got me thinking was,

'Never regret meeting anyone in your life.' Despite those failed relationships and mistrusted friends, never have regrets.

Not too long ago another friend told me that despite the little disagreements and squabbles with friends and how they make you feel left out or chucked aside, never feel down. Never make them feel the way you felt. Be the better person. If you do what they did to you, no one's the better. Taking some sort of revenge will only end up hurting you deep inside. It only proves to be a self-inflicting pain if you hurt others.

Then I asked myself, is it a coincidence that all this fell upon the same period I was upset with a whole bunch of people? Take what my friend's great grandad told him and how it can all be of use to my situation. Add in the advice my friend gave me. You get the perfect solution to patience and tolerance. Sure, I was upset with several people and I didn't know how to react but I find it somehow funny that the advice I received could be that convenient, given my current situation.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's about how you react that shows who you really are. It's difficult but a test of someone's character is shown in tough times. I know I'm not perfect and, without a doubt, I'm not really a good person. But I wonder, even if I could, would I ever be the better person?

Issue with Time Travelling (Part One)

A team in my cohort created a game called 'Paradox'. Yes, as you might have guessed, the issue on hand here is...Time. In their game, the protagonist has the power to control time.

So it got me thinking. If you could control time, what would happen? What are the repercussions? So I've kinda come up with several scenarios.

Firstly. Duplicates. If you had the ability to go back in time... Wouldn't there be duplicates of yourself? Think about say you were standing under a tree on Monday. Fews days went by and on Friday, you had the ability to rip the fabric of time and space and go back to the past. You decided to travel back to Monday. Would you see yourself standing under the tree you stood under four days before you travelled back in time? Or would you disappear and find that that body which stood under the tree no longer stood under the tree and was in fact you? If so, doesn't it mean that you never stood under the tree, instead on Monday, you looked back at the tree looking for yourself because of your time travelling exploits, you then for some reason in the past succumb to looking at the direction of the tree not knowing why, but the you of the future who travelled back in time knew, the reason for looking at the direction of the tree. Then again, if you never knew why you looked back at the tree, would you ever know the reason why? Maybe, could there be a rewinding situation, where, travelling back in time makes you forget and then due to your ignorance of your past time travelling exploits, which will occur in the future, does it mean that you're stuck in this infinite loop of travelling back in time every Friday to get back to Monday seeing a tree for no particular reason at all? Geddit? I don't know... Kinda confusing.

Secondly. Say you could travel back in time and you didn't like what you did in the present and went back in time to change things around...then obviously, it never happened, the thing you deemed must be changed. But the question is, would you then know the consequences of what you might have done? Say for example, you stole a watch and you get chased by the police and say that watch had national significance and everyone is after your head, and the watch. Now, if you get caught and tortured and then found that you had the ability to go back in time, and you did, and you correct your mistake and didn't steal the watch...you would then be aware of the consequences which followed if you did steal the watch? Ok, try this then...

Someone tells you a secret and you go back in time and decide to not hear that secret. But the question is...you already know the secret and does travelling back in time make you forget that secret or does it make you carry the secret with you...That's if time travelling has no side effects of the individual or duplication effects on the body which travelled time. Cos, technically, you don't know what is going to happen, in the perpetual motion of time...but if you could reverse the motion, from a future perspective, and bring it forward again with different motives...would you know what happened? Or would it have happened? Or would someone, like yourself who travelled through time, know what would have happened?

I'm racking my brain off just trying to find the right words to put... And I doubt you guys understand this... Seesh

(Part 2)

So let's say I did manage to time travel, and there are duplicates... It means that me from the future who came to past would carry information about the future, seeing as I was from that time. But technically, if duplicates do exist due to time travelling, it would mean that I do know something, yet I don't. Geddit? Lemme rephrase. If me from the future who went back in time is A, and that me of the past who gets visited by me of the future is B... Work with me on this one... So, A knows something but B doesn't. Technically therefore do know yet I don't, given that moment or period of time. Because, both A and B are the same person, the same body, so to speak, but they are different in physical body.

Also, if B did something to injure himself, would A get affected? Or would travelling back in time create some kinda safety haven-like devise, metaphysically, that would prevent them from experiencing, or having experienced the injury? Cos, A would be in the same time zone as B and eventhough A is from the future, he went back to the past and they are two different physical bodies...

Maybe, I needa think this through..Till then, I guess, the me of the past will travel to the future and meet you in the present...ish

Fuck It

I won't start with some aimless introduction this time, instead I'll go straight to the point. Culture clash. It was so obvious. I have difficulty trying to fit in and blending in so much that I forgot... I'm just different from people I wanna hang with.

It was so fucking obvious. First I thought about it when a really close friend told me it was my up-bringing. I tried to look elsewhere. Then I'd realised. People I'm better with are those who have been in situations I've been in. I speak with adults and dudes and gals who have either been raised beyond the borders of this island or have had experiences outside.

I was at first eager to put aside the idea cos well, my friend said that they weren't exposed to the world and only realise the things that are within the island. Outside stuff is all read about and media-ified. So basically their perception of the world is confined to either someone's own perception published in a book or something they've seen on TV. But also, seeing that exposure to the outside has made me realised, subconsciously, the finer, more important parts of life are often over-looked when you're raised in a tiny island. Most don't understand the simple lingo of the West and most just don't 'get it'. But it's not because of their intellectual, it's just their ignorance of the world outside. Living in a tiny small island kinda makes you create a tiny small mindset. It's not that I'm smart, it's just that they didn't get the exposure I did.

I was fortunate to live in places abroad; New Zealand, London, New York. It shaped my thinking. I'm outspoken but that's because of frustration of the lack of diversity in the thinking of my people. Jokes are bland and dull, because most don't get grey humor. Conversations are pointless and not thought provoking because most don't even try. I don't need smart friends, I want friends who at least think and give insight of their opinions. I don't need friends who know who tons of shit, just people who can carry a conversation without going into reminiscence of who farted during which awkward moment. Of course this refers to conversations on a more deep thinking approach. Hanging out is alright. Friends can say shit and who cares. But when it comes to a more deeper level of thinking. It gets boring after awhile.

I see things differently from most. And most of the time, I've been upset that I'm so different and have different perceptions from everyone else. I don't see the benefits on little squabbles and bitchin'. I bitch and I know people speak behind my back. It's just life. If you don't accept that people talk behind you, you're very naive. In fact you're an ignorant fool who's self-centred. Now, most people cannot accept that here. They resort to clique formation and a 'priority friends' mentality. It's very immature but that's what I see.

I know I'm not popular, I know people say shit about me. I know people hate my accent, my attitude, my outspoken nature when I voice an opinion because I don't see it right. And I know people have bad impressions of me. Take an example, I was told I was similar to someone slick, dirty and very bitchy, in a effeminate nature. I was shock at the last part. I know I'm not charismatic or likeable, but effeminate? That's a first. I asked people whether I had displays of a female nature, they laughed it off. I can bitch, but it's more of a dull type of bitchin. I see something I tell it like it is, almost monotonous. But then again, I guess I'm seen by people here as 'slick, dirty' and what have you.

The accent doesn't help as I'm also seen as pompous. But that's because I lived overseas, and I'm sorry I picked up accent... similarly to how you picked up yours staying in the country for so long, and I know more General Knowledge nonsense than most. Most are ignorant in the way they perceive and their lack of knowledge doesn't help. If I say something, it's 'oh, there goes Mr Know-It-All'. If some local who speaks in their accent and slang says the same thing, they applaud his understanding and brilliance. I would too, I'd be really impress...But you see the imbalance?

Pfft. Frustrating sometimes. And it doesn't help that it's no one's fault. Finally emotions. Having lived in other countries and having learnt and witnessed how foreigners do it outside made me forget how they do it inside this country. It's almost like there's no sincerity over here. But that's because people here a different approach to helping a friend. It's not very obvious but that's it. They tried and you don't really notice it. But they genuinely do try to make it better. People here are not emotional based and that any context of a question related to emotion is just another act of going through the motion. Lemme rephrase. Over here it's customary, outside it's a chance to speak up. I hear locals complaining about lack of freedom of speech, but Asians are naturally strong willed and aren't very feel based people. I have been asked by friends about how I am and what they can do...but there doesn't seem to be a connection. Stuff I say are somehow changed to avoid them getting offended. If I say something that might blame them, I'm their enemy. I don't know...that's how I perceive. Call me ignorant, call me foolish. I say it as it is.

I think in retrospect. The culture here is very different. I'm different and I don't seem to be able to infiltrate the culture and thinking that easily. To me it's all quite confined and limited to each group. They way they react and perceive is rather different, to some cases shallow. I don't blame them, they were born into this system and they use it. But don't get me wrong, they are very textbook people. Smart, strong, good obedient followers who are also determined. But most just 'don't get it'. I'm not angry, or ever will be, at anyone. I think I've given up on being angry and accepted that I'm just another dude passing by.

A Friend

A true friend is someone who's there when you're down. Often forgotten when times are good, but always there when you need someone to talk to.

Social War

Sometimes, people can be full of crap. Sometimes, people don't realise that their nonsense actually does affect those around them. And most of the time, these people don't know why things happen and how they actually caused it.

Let's put it in a different context. The generally accepted, or perceived notion, of 'emo' refers to someone who is alone and doesn't exercise interaction and socialising due to some form of depression. But have you really wondered deeper on why that person may feel that way? Probably, yes. But have you really tried to make 'em feel any better? Despite their persistence at wanting to be alone, have you tried to really sit down and create a dialogue?

Everyone wants to be heard. Everyone has a story they wanna tell but some people find it more difficult than others. Some have a tendency to be more open easily whilst others need some time and gain trust of another individual to really open up. Me, I'm the latter. I can be bipolar and I get worse when I feel that no one cares. How? Well, the fact that I'm writing this is example of a last resort for me to make my feelings heard. But I digress.

At this moment of time, I'm facing a minute emotional distress amongst the people I interact with everyday. Not familial, but colleagues and friends. Why? Because I somehow feel that no one really appreciates me as a person and that I'm always being used by everyone.

If you hate me or hate personal stories, please log onto some other website 'cause I don't like to bore people about myself. If you do choose to continue reading...Very well.

I feel like I'm frequently being used by people around me. I have some musical background and I help compose songs for friends and so on. But I feel like people have abused my ability and that I don't get appreciated for my efforts. I feel like I'm only there because they need me to help 'em out. Apart from that, I wouldn't even be known. I'm taken for granted and that these people will just see me today and forget me tomorrow.

Same goes with 'friends'. Whenever people are alone, I would talk to them. If it's a big group, I couldn't care less. But if someone doesn't seem alright, I'll do my best to help 'em out. But the goddamn thing can't be said the other way around. Whenever I'm down, no one really approaches me and wants to know my problems. I get the usual, 'Anything wrong?' and if I say 'no', they'd be 'Alright...well, take care'. No one has ever come to me and say, 'No, you don't seem alright. If you want to talk about it, I'm all ears'. Never. I've been told secrets and emotions of people but I've never told much of my own state to many people. Why, because I feel that no one really wants to know.

This has made a huge side effect on me. Because of this, I feel that I'm under appreciated. I'm there for Music and Footie. Apart from that, no one would really ask me out to hang out. Really...I know I'm not a perfect dude, but I'm rarely called out to hang out. Even with the people I frequently talk to. I'm never in their priority list or anyone's in fact. I'm just another person you'd probably met, chatted with, took for granted and forgotten. Because of the affection I'm receiving from people I talk to, I feel this way. I feel like I'm not important. I feel like I'm just an extra in everyone's life. I feel like I wouldn't make a difference in anyone's life and that my presence is just there for no reason but for being there.

Work related. In my project team, I feel like no one really appreciates me as a person outside. I'm just another team member. I'm the one who animates, does the sound, music and story concepts. But outside...I'm not missed, I'm no one important. Just a pawn, a tool for you to use to get by in your selfish desires to claim achievement and success.

Remember this, no one is 'emo' by choice for no reason. People around them make them that way. Society forces them to feel this way. So by casting these people and branding them as a menace or a nuisance is just making things worse. So, really if someone you know becomes this way, talk to them. If they persist on being silent, make them feel wanted and that they have some ears to talk to. Don't make them feel the way I have. Everyone wants to share something. Be it problems or worries. But will you listen?

Angst Years of My Life

Teenage Kicks. We've all had 'em. We can't control 'em sometimes. It's funny that when you're young, you really can't wait to grow older and do things which grown ups do. The sad part is when you can do all those 'wonderful new things', it's pretty much anticlimactic.

Think about it, the glories of being an adult and the stuff you can do could be your downfall. As a child, you don't have not much worries through your actions. Breaking a vase or losing dad's favourite book isn't as bad as breaking the law or losing your virginity. Think deeper. The reason for the stuff you did when you were younger were largely based on your capacity to have fun. Past that stage and onto pre-adult life, your fun is risky kicks which might end up kicking you in the back.

But, honestly, you can't back out of some things that you do. Like for me, most of the things I do are for acceptance. I mean, as a teen, you feel like nobody understands you and the stuff you go through and you want to be part of a group which can facilitate to your needs. These social groups are formed by the insecurities of teens. Popular kids need to be told or felt like they're God's gift to the school, in the other end of the spectrum, 'weird' kids have a tendency to dress and prefer different things from the mainstream following crowd. In their respective groups, they get that attention they crave.

Take me for example. I've never really gone out and painted the town red or had loads of chicks. I'm also a very individualistic person, in the sense that I'm competitive and hate large organisations or social groups. I feel that it kills the individual's creative prowess and overwhelms the person's ability to shine. I also wanted to show people that I could do something not many can, or are good at. I wanted to stand out. So I looked towards music. Initially, it was due to acceptance. I wanted people to like me. My insecurities got the better of me when I told myself that girls digged guitarists. So I practiced religiously at home and played till late at night. However, despite my persistence, I never had females coming to me to be blasted by some riff or lick I learnt and practiced. Sucked ass, I know. But it goes to show how much you're willing to go to be accepted by others. However, over time, as I grew more attached to music and honed my playing abilities at home and in school, I began getting recognised by some people. So, I guess in that sense, you never get what you want. But what you had wanted might come when you least expect it.

Other people might do other things. Me, I tell jokes. I want to speak to people and I do that via stories, anecdotes and jokes. Anything to get guys to speak to me, pretty girls to communicate with... The desire to be accepted is something quite forceful. I see girls wearing layer after layer of make-up to make themselves more attractive. It's not wrong, it's just the way we teenagers and young adults do stuff to get noticed and accepted. Some dudes dress flamboyantly, others do cheap stunts. Drug addicts, smokers...you name 'em. Peer pressure to be part of a group or to maintain the same friends you have.

Teenage life is one which is not without drama, my friend. It's sure as hell is fun but it's also one that make one look pathetic. Usually sub-conscious to that individual but the desire to be part of a group, to be accepted, to be loved, to be understood...it's some of the things we teenage have, or are going, through and has is the fuel for us doing what we do and how behave. Of course, you could say that familial upbringings play a part, but there are some cases where prestiges families have kids who do silly things due to external influences. But this is just my take. This is what I feel about life as a adolescent. All these hormones and curiosity mixed with hidden desires and cravings...You'll never know man...

That Berk at Work

Throughout my short life i do recall,
Many people i often appall.
Non more so than the ones who smile
And talk to you for a short while.
The ones who'd shadow your little bright glow
And off-set your strenuous daily work flow.
They often are found lingering around at work,
But are plainly called 'your everyday berk'

They're here and there and come in all shapes and sizes,
Trust me, my friend, its harder to win prizes.
Everywhere you go, you cannot hide,
Don't turn left...yep, he's there by your side.
You're brought up thinking about people and society,
But all they say is just 'me, me, me'
A tight slap across their face Will do just fine,
But alas, nah...you won't waste your time.

In schools they often distract you,
Doing things that often displease you.
After a while it get quite boring,
'Stop it right now! its getting pretty annoying!'
All these people should just be away,
Go somewhere far, or be gone for a day.
Projects are due in a few days time,
Berks of them sorts keep wasting your time.

But really, when you look closer, you'll be amazed at what you see,
You think to yourself, 'wait that's really me.'
Yes, those people who get you down,
They're just like you, you dumb stupid clown.
You're too blind, to silly to see
That people like them are actually you and me.
So the next time your about shout colourful words at that silly turd
Just remember, he's as bad as you are you judgemental berk

Happy New Year!

WOOOO! BOOYAY! New Year's Day! Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009! All right!

Nah. Today, as in 1st January 2009, which was yesterday cos I'm posting it the following day, hence...yesterday, 1st January 2009 was the most insane day ever. Don't usually post my daily events, but today was special...In the sadistic, off-beat sense.

3...2...1...Happy New Year!

Not so much for me. I was at gibson.com learning thru their new online lessons. Honestly, Arlen Roth is amazing. That dude can play anything! Was watching, and learning from, him playing B.B. King licks. Sweet as ever...So, I picked up Pattie and played...till around 3 or 4ish. Hmm, I said to myself, a bit late. So i slept...ish.

Shrugged here and there on me bed and felt this strange vibration on my head. I couldn't have been shitfaced...you know, drunk. Cos, I don't drink. Then I realised it was my phone. Eight o'clock...I muttered and cursed under my breath. Not long later, I went back to sleep.

Beep-beep...Again? I picked up my mobile phone and half consciously read the screen. Scanned thru it, hardly. And then, my heart raced...The words 'Meetup', 'shooting (as in film), 'late' appeared. Shit. I had a film shoot and I was late. The thing starts at 9 and I was 2 hours late. Didn't help that the location was at the other side of the Island. So, I rushed to the bathroom, had a quick shower, brushed my teeth, put on some new clothes and then ran out of the door to the bus stop.

12pm. I was about 15 minutes away from the location. I called my friend and apologised. I also asked him which bus to take, cos I wasn't sure how to get there. He told and I...I should have been listening. So I jumped on a bus and was headed towards the right place. However, the bus suddenly turned to an unknown location...to me anyway. As I looked out the window, my mind was cursing. So I jumped off the bus and ran towards, what I thought was, the right direction. It was, until I saw fences. So, I ran back where I came from and ran around the fences. As I jogged, every once in a while, I would enter some void deck and wonder, thinking if this is the right place.

Finally, I reached the place. I was so relieved, tired, I couldn't say anything. I kept keeping to myself cos I was really that tired and kept reassuring everyone I was fine. Unfortunately, it rained. After a succession of shoots, it began to rain...heavily. So we packed up and decided to head home.

This is where it all got interesting. As my friends and I went our separate ways, I went to check if a particular bus headed somewhere near my house. Apparently, it didn't and I went off it. As I did, my bladder felt full and urged me to go to the toilet. So, I checked the back of the bus and ran across the street. Big Mistake.

As I ran, a car came onto me. I saw it and I jumped back...BANG! I was hit by an on-coming vehicle. Time slowed down before impact. You saw the situation slowly but your helpless to prevent it. All I did was jump back and it was enough for me to be unscathed. As I hit the side of the car, my ass hit the side mirror and broke it. My shoulder scraped the top of the car and then my bottom cushion the fall. I got up quickly and felt a slight scratch on my hand. Checked myself...no blood. Phew. I manage to pick myself quickly and go to the car to apologise. Funnily enough, I was so fast, that when I went to the car, the driver hadn't even had the chance to put the clutch down.

I was a wimp at this stage and started apologising like a determined flyer boy passing out flyers. I wanted this whole thing to go away and put it behind...I was fine, no injuries and most importantly...I had to go to the bathroom. Urgently. But it all happened really fast and my mind was like...You need to go to the toilet...NOW! The driver, poor dude...kept asking if I wanted to see the doctor. I kept refusing telling him, I'd rather pay for the broken mirror. In the end, all was fine...I think...I mean we all went home after that.

A weird thing was that, a friend said there was actually a police car present...How did they miss an idiot being hit by a car?

A Poem For You...and other random stuffs

Roses are red, Bite marks turn blue,
Don't eat wild mushrooms and Lima beans too.
Flowers aren't pretty, often boring and dull,
I'd rather be thinking of pirates and skulls.

Music is wicked... Can't seem to get enough,
Mosh pits are dirty and can get kinda rough.
Gimme a beat and I'll play with it too,
Hopefully rock 'n' roll will come and save you.

Dreams and flights of fancy, ladida and dingerie doo,
Words are floating around like a sewer full of poo.
Cream pie bananas and delicate tastes,
All that money gimme to waste.

Smiles of folly, lightness in my head,
Hehe hehe haha, I feel like I'm dropping dead.
Can't think of what to say when your always around,
Often leaves me hanging in a deep dark frown.

Bananas and fruitcakes, apple pies with cherry tops,
Bad guys are running from the slow overweight cops.
A cry in the distance, all stand frozen still,
Until a sneeze from nearby, the silence now killed.

My mind is a jingling from happy Christmas cheer,
But the elves, they all kinda freak me...as I stand in fear.
How does he do it, make them toys for one whole year,
Doesn't he ever get bored...I mean he's been around for a millenia

Avoiding your questions with silly remarks,
People stand frustrated and fly off like larks.
Even though I speak volumes and reveal tons of information,
My life is concealed through excess communication.

With this I hope, clarity is achieved,
But nothing it seems is ever up heaved.
Another rhyme for later, hope you enjoyed this one,
Let's call it a day, wasn't reading this fun?

GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!

Girls! Girls! Looking around I see,
I wonder which one is meant for me
Love, crush or maybe something might click,
Different kinds of girls, I'd never get sick.

You see the sporty ones jogging all around,
Good and healthy...and they're hardly round.
But you see for watching them I have found,
My ass, they'll kick into the ground.

Chic and classy and a tinge bit wild,
Their fashion senses... I like their style
But going for 'em way too fast,
Mine and their interest... Nah, it wouldn't last.

Tall and leggy will definitely attract you
Because look around man, there're only a few.
But who am I kidding, I can't get any without any tricks,
I mean look at me man, I'm only 5 foot 6.

Happy and joyful with pirate-like smile,
Brings joy to your heart and warmth for awhile.
But the smiles could just be something flirty
And in the end, the thoughts run away feeling quite dirty.

Artsy, cool and tremendously hip,
Black is trendy and coffees they sip.
Music and art and they sound sophisticated,
But too much of that makes my mind constipated.

Popular girls have all they want,
And guys like me stand speechless and stunned.
But they can be too much and a bit of a nag,
Maybe she might be the new future hag.

Finally I conclude that a girl I would fancy,
Is someone nice and always smiling at me.
Don't matter what she do or what she say...
Pfff...alas, maybe I'll meet her one day.

Bored At Home... Alone

Holidays are here! I should be full of cheer,
But everything seems the same.
The reruns aren't funny, I'm losing my money,
And nothing but me's to blame.

Can't say its fun, when I talk to no one,
And I'm sitting at home all alone.
No games to play, and I can no longer stay,
At home in my couch I call 'throne'.

Pick up a book, the cover I look,
Something interesting to read at last.
Few days gone by, I give a big sigh,
That book was finished too fast.

Look out the window, watching the rain flow,
Like tears inside your heart.
It feels so boring, on the bed I go snoring,
And when no ones looking, I give a big fart.

I stroll outside, but no one by my side,
Watching the movies, as one.
The show might be funny, character's horny,
But watching alone is no fun.

Play my guitar, pretending to be a star,
Sing Zeppelin songs all day long.
Until I found out, the songs that I shout,
The lyrics I got all wrong.

Playing the blues, kicking off my shoes,
The music it comes to me.
The magic I feel, comes so real,
The music my heart can see.

An idea pops out, my bed I jump out,
The girl I fancy might be free.
I take my chance, "this is my stance"
But damn...she has someone already.

Maybe school's my salvation, with this information,
I think of it thoroughly.
Bored all alone, waiting at home,
Maybe holidays just aren't for me.

Creativity and Intelligence

I.Q. tests, Career amplitude tests, Art competitions...All are ways to feed the hungry ego and diminish intelligence and creativity. Why? Because some 'man' was gifted the power, divine by the way he treats it, to categorize and label your work or level of understanding. Don't get me wrong...tests and exams are good. It actually helps the progression of mankind. Makes people work hard and get rewarded for something which started out as 'an equal opportunity'.

But some things should be worked with instead of working against.

True, some people are talented. Maybe a prodigy, where the person honed their skills when young, or just simply born good. Most of the time 'talent' refers to an art form. Be it in music, story-telling or painting to name a few. But it is unfair to really call some better than others just because the result of something they worked on seems 'good' or 'enjoyable' to you. I mean, this goes into a person's creativity and mind set.

You shouldn't come with quick assumptions that someone is 'stupid' just because they see problems logically and aren't 'thinking out of the box'. Everyone is creative, it's just how they perceive things. Just because one dude has an outrageous and unexpected idea or design does not mean that he's better than someone who has an idea which is organized and predictable. No...far from it. It's simply how the minds work and understand situations. Different is good but different can also be unrealistic, which usually leads to dreams that float away.

If I were a teacher and I had to teach a creativity class, I would tell the less expansive or broad-minded guys to work with what they are good at. I would tell them...'Look, you might feel your ideas are lacking in areas, well just use that idea and make it better by fusing it with what your good at.' Its much better than putting them off, which makes the whole situation unproductive and unnecessary. If I got people with brilliant and wacky ideas, I wouldn't praise their thinking like they're god sent...I would ask them to do it. Proof that their idea is different and 'outstanding' and make it work. Its just being practical. If they create something outlandish and spectacular it would be awesome...and most people would just be stunned and amazed by the idea and honestly...It's still just an idea.

But before you scowl me...This leads me to another point. No idea is stupid. All ideas are clever because it takes thought to create one. If an idea is stupid...Then who created it? The person had a level of intelligence to think it up. Therefore in actual fact all ideas are clever. Some maybe unique and heard of but they are all not stupid.

Everyone is creative in an area. Everyone. Just because others see you lacking in one...You're sure to kick their ass in another. I'd like to think I'm ok in music...Again, I'd like to think, of course. But there are definitely many...many...many others who'd agree...hahaha, cheeky. What I meant to say was disagree. I certainly don't have the eye for many things, but I know I have talent in some other area. Everyone as well. And no talent is dumb. If people call it 'talent' and say its dumb...It's still talent and they are saying that cos...most likely they suck at it.

One more thing. In the topic of intelligence, don't you feel sorry for people with mental disabilities...I mean, everyone is fighting to be the best and they are often swept aside and pushed away. I mean, these guys have a mind and its sad because, most of the time its understanding the situation which puts them down. They have difficulty with their surroundings and they find it tuff to adjust to everything in a society which expects to do to that. They are confused and 'normal' people just don't get that. Imagine going to a foreign land...you'd be confused...for them its that everyday. And by the way, they are talented. They may lack in communications but they are fucking brilliant in areas like Art, Music, Mathematics...the list goes on. So don't belittle them.

Argg...Finally, its nearly done. So remember yea...If you feel inferior with something, metaphysical of course, work with what you're good at and expand it...fuse it...make it yours. And no idea is without thought.

Analysing Stuff (When I'm Bored) and Weird Stuff That Happens

You know, sometimes when you're bummed out and feeling like you're spacing out...you see weird stuffs or things that you haven't really noticed. Stuff around you, people and more importantly yourself.

I'm often jabbering about some nonsense, and usually I do think things through but it comes out as jibber jabber. So, I sound like a passionate drunk at times, trying to convey a useless point to my friends who simply nod and smile. But this time, its different...Oh yes. Why? Well, the main reason is cos, I'm typing it out rather than saying it...So get prepared to get blown out of your minds with my astute observational skills...Rather eccentric, but that's me.

You know loads of people, by that I mean me and two or three of my friends, sit around observing people on the street or where-ever and notice: Why is it that in a couple, the dude is either good-looking and the girl isn't or the chick is hot and the guy looks naff...no offence. This enigma has caused my friends and I to wonder and wonder...till we wasted enough time thinking of something not that productive. Alas, I think I may have found it...eventho, I'm pretty sure someone has done so before me. Anywho...It's cos we're just comparing. The dude might outshine the lass, well cos he is just better looking...It's not because she's ugly...No, no. Other way around as well. She's just more attractive than him. He's not that ug...no wait...Hmm...maybe he is...But you get my point. Of course all this reflects on a person's physical aspect as opposed to character.

Wires. Those lines which connect electrical items, points, whatever. But how come they hate me? I'm not neat and tidy, I can admit that...But why the hell do they always tangle up whenever I keep 'em. What's worse is the fact that it takes me hours trying to untangle 'em. Have you ever been in a situation like me before: See an attractive girl, sit not so far from her and pretend to be cool. Only to be foiled by the fact that your wires are tangled up. Therefore it will take forever just trying to set 'em right. I mean...Geez, I look like a moron. 'Hey, you...how you doing? Yea...just untangling my wires...Yea...' No, that does not sound sexy or cool.

Another weird stuff that keeps happening is the fact that I'm a weird magnet. It's cool, cos there's always something surprising and excellently-out-of-the-blue. Ya, I made that word up. Anyway, I get weird people adding me on MSN. And they ask me even weirder stuff...If you wanna know, drop me a line or if you already know me you can ask. I don't want to soil this already dirty blog any further.

Finally the analysis of myself. This is rather self-indulging...but I've got the keyboard...But you do too...You know what I mean. For too long a word has crept up to describe me: Pessimistic. Parents and teachers have strung that word on me whenever I plan something, friends rain me examples of my pessimistic ways. It was alright until a couple of my closer friends told me that and what's worse was that girls said I was that as well. GASP! And quite a number...Yikes! But its not so much that I choose to be that way...eventhough I do see myself as such. It's more of a restraint to further myself...I always feel let down by my own misjudgment. I could do soo much more but heck...That'll teach me to procrastinate. Don't be like me...Just go for it eventhough its shit. I've changed and become more open...Not so much open, but loud and attention-seeking. I love attention but I'm always with a conflict within myself to be at peace. Irony. I rarely go out and I love to be alone. But when I do go out, I look silly and stuff. An example of my weird life is that my girl-friend is my Les Paul...She might not be pretty, no really...She got scars and is kinda dirty...but she's mine. By the way, her name is Patty...After George and Eric's ex-wife...Nevermind.

Wow...Today's read is a lot. I doubt many people have made the end... But If you did...Wow...You must be bored. Thanks anyway...Much appreciate y'all reading and to those 2 or 3 who read or follow my blog...Means alot, never said it, but thanks. Alot more rambling about my short comings and bad points in the future...What a way to advertise my blog...So stay tuned and alive to read more...Cheers!

Episode One: Ride To School

Wake up in the morning and go to school
Wiping your mouth with all that drool
Dragging your feet, you feel like a bum
Man, I shouldn't have taken all that rum

Sit at the table, stare at the wall
Your parents are worried, your teacher might call
Run off the exit and catching the bus
Hoping to miss the late morning rush

Tired and hanging onto the bars
Voom! pass the window, look at them cars
The dude next to you smell like a hog
But your minds gone, worked like a dog

You notice a sign, its an empty seat
But you give it up to the old sweet petite
Man, traffic is slow and your mind goes off
The driver ain't helping, you wanna tell em to bug off

Feeling wasted you get off your stop
All the kids in style and one has a mop-top
The chick you see at the side of your eye
Dude she looks hot, and man that ain't no lie

All the guys watching and hoping to impress
You laugh deep inside, they all should second-guess
A shout from a far, all heads turn around
"Damn its her boy-friend," you say looking at the ground

Here comes the next bus, forward to school
Damn its all packed, pfff...what can you do?
You squeeze your way through to the back of the coach
What the shit was that? Was that a roach?

After a few stops you take a seat
Beside you a girl with a bright coloured pleat
You take your chance you check her out
"Man, she looks nice!" as you tongue rolls out

She notices you staring and you quickly look away
Feeling so awkward, "WHY, why? Today?"
Everything starts off wrong you feel like a fool
"Great, she saw me. Now she thinks I'm a tool"

To get your mind off, you plug in your ear-piece
Maybe the songs are a sense of release
You peep through the window, everyone in a rush
And you wonder to yourself, "Life? Man, what's the fuss?"

Ahh! Finally, you reach your damn stop
You think to yourself, "Come on let's go! Chop-chop!"
Running to class, things can only be great...
A voice from behind says, "Khalis, your late"

Cool? Hmm....

Being human beings...or at least I think you are, we all have our own personal traits and behave as such and such during different situations. Now, time and again people have labeled other with their reactions and personalities. So commonly, some guys are cool and some gals are hot. Fair enough, we all have different views on people. But what is the criteria for being 'cool'?

Before I start, 'cool' can be used to describe personality and appearance. I dunno I make up the rules, I just do what every annoying person does: question it.

Anywho...Cool. What defines a person as cool? Is it a leather jacket dude with a fag between his lips, leaning against a wall. Looking at people through his dark shades, constantly combing his greasy hair with his fingers? Or maybe a flamboyantly dressed female with either a brightly coloured vest or a dark clothes to look very chic and cool? Well, cool has been associated with style and I'm giving some very bad examples...sorry, I'm not really very now and hip.

But, I feel 'cool' should be something more than what you wear. It's who you are. Basically, you're either cool or an asshole to me. Simple. Even people labeled as 'Geeks', 'Nerds' or whatever are cool. Assholes, however, go about doing crazy shit to people and inevitably slow mankind's progress. Being nice and considerate is cool. Being a 'nice guy' is cool. You don't have to be the fittest jock...who I KNOW are assholes...a number of 'em are, to be 'cool'. I mean, I play guitar in a band...don't make me cool. Far from it. Being cool is how you handle your life and people around you. It's character and attitude. It's not what you wear or what you have achieved.

I mean little stuffs make you cool: giving up a seat on a public transport, being polite to others, being a gentlemen, (for girls) giving me your number and letting me go out with you...You know, there are many things. So just bear in mind, who gives a shit what people say, hold your chin up high, do the good thing and help others...that is cool. Even when people are being major dicks to you, screw them and carry on with your life...that's cool.

With that being said...I don't think, but I KNOW I'm super awesome and cool...yea...I sound like an asshole now...Damn.

My First Poem

Today's blog will be insane
Do not worry, I'm still the same
For reading this you will uncover
A rhyming pattern you will discover

For you see I am quite bored
O help me now, my sweet lord
Bring me joy, bring me fun
Or at least bring forth to me someone

For that matter, I do now add
For somethings in life that are quite sad
The one you like you often hide
Watching them from your side

But now you see she might have another
By this of course, I meant: a lover
But I do not cry, I do not quiver
Alas, you see she might have a sister

But for some its more than pain
Their tears now fall just like rain
For when the time they might find out
Love's time for them is running out

Blah blah ble ble blu blu ba
Be Boo Ba be de de ta da
I couldn't think of something that rhymed
So I wrote that to stall some time

As guys, we often sit and share
Our thoughts on girls we do compare
Alas all those names we calls
Talk to her? Hah! We have no balls

Understanding what you see?
Brother it ain't easy just trust me
For girls emotions run like tides
You can't read her lyin' eyes

Often we do contemplate
Hours on end we predict our fate
But time seems short and not so long
Take a match bra and smoke a bong

But for now, time is short and I hear my friends shout
For their patience with me is running out
So bye bye my friends all this talk feels like years
Catch you later, its Khalis...Cheers

Emotions, Sweet, Raging Can't Get Enough Of Screwed Up, Emotions

If you made it pass the title, well done! Being an adolescent sucks ass. Not only are we being constantly reminded of the dangers of our surroundings, but we are also forced to deal with unnecessary biological and psychological changes.

Biologically we have to face anatomical and facial catastrophes. For example, we stink. And to all the jocks out there... Yea, even though you love showing off yours abs and whatever you body can achieve with all the free time you have, please refrain from wearing too little or no clothes at all. Yes. You too have odors. Having said that. Other natural disasters include: the breaking of one's voice, however sexy it may seem it does get annoying, the growing pimples which erupt when one's dormant... Geddit? Forget it. Anyway, I can get a slight idea of what people meant when they say that before adulthood, one must go through the difficult process and blah blah. Well, I think what they meant was puberty, with the pimples and the whatever.

Wots worse than having a smelly body with erupting volcanic pimples? The mind of a teenager. All that mental jibber jabber and emotional roller coasters. I mean everything has a really sucky feeling.

Love for example. Often mixed with crushes or premature emotional state of love. But when you have that feeling, it brings you down. The whole process of getting to get the one who fancy to notice you can really bring you down. You have to play the game of anticipating her reactions and the anxiety toils and turns you inside, pulling you down. Then almost-intuitively, you doubt yourself and wonder if she is the one. You doubt her acceptance of you... Rejection is thy name, be humbled upon my arrival. Yet, you see and feel a glimmer of hope. Her smile, her presence and acknowledgment of your presence sends a beam of light onto you. That glimmer of hope gets you up and the will burns on. But with the two contrasting emotions that turmoil inside of you make you hurt and wreck you from inside. The colliding feelings inevitable hurting you. The euphoria being pulled down by melancholy, quakes through your heart and you feel yourself distancing away from her. The room suddenly feels claustrophobic as your heart sinks inside of you and the room narrows in on it.

Another feeling which defines your adolescent-hood, is the fact you want to be alone. You lament on how no one understands you. This doesn't always happen, but it does creep in once in a while. Ironically, you do need that someone and you don't know how to handle these to contradicting feelings. Bummer. You crave to be alone at times away from it all but you do need that someone to talk to. That close friend, or bud. That's when the trust issue surfaces. You either become to open or you hardly trust that dude. Or maybe your openness and friendly nature will be your downfall and you have difficulties accepting new people. Who knows?

Those are some of the things we pay for, for growing up. All the this and that emotional and biological frenzies we go through. Can really get to one, dude. But what I say is...Bra sit back and enjoy the ride.

Huh...Wondering Again

Now, we all claim that we cherished our loved ones and really can't stand to see them in pain. We tend to express endless love towards them and our mouths tend to be a fountain which words of love and so on come from. Thus many people I have spoken to wish to perish before their loved ones because they can't stand to see them suffer or die. But thinking about it... It is a selfish wish.

Well, now... If you really do love 'em, then you should want to die after all your loved ones. Why? Firstly, they would say the same about you dying. They would say that they wouldn't be able to go on without you. So, shouldering the pain is both admirable and more worthy of showing love towards them. Dying sooner than these people would be the easy way out. Almost cowardly.

Secondly, if you do believe in God or a/many super-natural beings, then retributions and paying of sin would also be a factor of dying after them. Again, why? Because living longer means more sins to commit or will be committed hence if your loved ones die before you, the lesser sin for them to commit or commit further. Even though, of course, you still screw your own life... but who cares, its about the ones you cherish, eh?

That Lump in Your Throat

Don't you just hate that depressed and beat down feeling? The one that makes you feel you're not good enough for anything? That something deep inside you that won't stop hounding you down and preventing you from feeling good about anything? That lumpish and ground pulling feel. Those things which you often hate and wish to eradicate.

Sometimes that sickly disturbance from inside you can really drive you off the edge. But most of the time, dealing with it can drive you nuts. For me, its mostly caused by people around me. Most of the time I dig the earth, while others control me or judge me on how I do things. Those are the kinda things I hate. I hate to be controlled. And I hate to be judged by people who don't really know me.

I am the type of person who can't stand a life without freedom. Eventhough I'm single and very much by myself all the time, I often feel constraint. I feel barriers are closing on me and I must get rid of the chains which oppress me. Sometimes it could be parents, others school or friends that make me feel this way. But whatever it is, its pulling me down.

I feel that doing something and appreciating work takes time and patience. No deadline or order can make work better or more outstanding. Creativity and effort are precious and cannot be forced. People have their way with things. They might be brilliant in something but fail in another area. Therefore when I feel pushed around and are abused by people and their naive natures, I...hate them. I seriously hate people who show ignorance and do not appreaciate the value of people. I hate people who under appreciate efforts of individuals who sacrificed thier time on things they have commited to doing.

I have many instances. Projects; stuff thrown at me and I clean stuff up. After all those sleepless nights, I get pressured by members of my team who scrutinize my weaknesses and over-look my achievements. Those my friends are idiots, whom I wish the best for. Other types of ignorant people are imbecile who judge you by how you appear. These people feel superior because they don't eat with their mouths open and use tissues instead of towels. These people do not realise how ridiculous they actually appear; eating fish and chips with chopsticks and blatantly calling you off for what you stand. Their ignorance often makes them feel intellectually superior whilst they go around making remarks, endorsed by themselves, claiming to be true. These imbeciles are everywhere and are closer to you than you think.

You might be reading this and saying, geez whoever wrote must be an asshole or have no friends. 'What an arrogant bastard...writing about himself.' That might as well be the case. But if you were me, you might feel that your silence must be broken and now is the time to start being honest. Many times I smile, but don't feel incline to now. Practical jokes are still the agenda and so are rude remakes, but anything personal and you'll pay for it cunt.