Monday, July 7, 2008

My First Poem

Today's blog will be insane
Do not worry, I'm still the same
For reading this you will uncover
A rhyming pattern you will discover

For you see I am quite bored
O help me now, my sweet lord
Bring me joy, bring me fun
Or at least bring forth to me someone

For that matter, I do now add
For somethings in life that are quite sad
The one you like you often hide
Watching them from your side

But now you see she might have another
By this of course, I meant: a lover
But I do not cry, I do not quiver
Alas, you see she might have a sister

But for some its more than pain
Their tears now fall just like rain
For when the time they might find out
Love's time for them is running out

Blah blah ble ble blu blu ba
Be Boo Ba be de de ta da
I couldn't think of something that rhymed
So I wrote that to stall some time

As guys, we often sit and share
Our thoughts on girls we do compare
Alas all those names we calls
Talk to her? Hah! We have no balls

Understanding what you see?
Brother it ain't easy just trust me
For girls emotions run like tides
You can't read her lyin' eyes

Often we do contemplate
Hours on end we predict our fate
But time seems short and not so long
Take a match bra and smoke a bong

But for now, time is short and I hear my friends shout
For their patience with me is running out
So bye bye my friends all this talk feels like years
Catch you later, its Khalis...Cheers

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Emotions, Sweet, Raging Can't Get Enough Of Screwed Up, Emotions

If you made it pass the title, well done! Being an adolescent sucks ass. Not only are we being constantly reminded of the dangers of our surroundings, but we are also forced to deal with unnecessary biological and psychological changes.

Biologically we have to face anatomical and facial catastrophes. For example, we stink. And to all the jocks out there... Yea, even though you love showing off yours abs and whatever you body can achieve with all the free time you have, please refrain from wearing too little or no clothes at all. Yes. You too have odors. Having said that. Other natural disasters include: the breaking of one's voice, however sexy it may seem it does get annoying, the growing pimples which erupt when one's dormant... Geddit? Forget it. Anyway, I can get a slight idea of what people meant when they say that before adulthood, one must go through the difficult process and blah blah. Well, I think what they meant was puberty, with the pimples and the whatever.

Wots worse than having a smelly body with erupting volcanic pimples? The mind of a teenager. All that mental jibber jabber and emotional roller coasters. I mean everything has a really sucky feeling.

Love for example. Often mixed with crushes or premature emotional state of love. But when you have that feeling, it brings you down. The whole process of getting to get the one who fancy to notice you can really bring you down. You have to play the game of anticipating her reactions and the anxiety toils and turns you inside, pulling you down. Then almost-intuitively, you doubt yourself and wonder if she is the one. You doubt her acceptance of you... Rejection is thy name, be humbled upon my arrival. Yet, you see and feel a glimmer of hope. Her smile, her presence and acknowledgment of your presence sends a beam of light onto you. That glimmer of hope gets you up and the will burns on. But with the two contrasting emotions that turmoil inside of you make you hurt and wreck you from inside. The colliding feelings inevitable hurting you. The euphoria being pulled down by melancholy, quakes through your heart and you feel yourself distancing away from her. The room suddenly feels claustrophobic as your heart sinks inside of you and the room narrows in on it.

Another feeling which defines your adolescent-hood, is the fact you want to be alone. You lament on how no one understands you. This doesn't always happen, but it does creep in once in a while. Ironically, you do need that someone and you don't know how to handle these to contradicting feelings. Bummer. You crave to be alone at times away from it all but you do need that someone to talk to. That close friend, or bud. That's when the trust issue surfaces. You either become to open or you hardly trust that dude. Or maybe your openness and friendly nature will be your downfall and you have difficulties accepting new people. Who knows?

Those are some of the things we pay for, for growing up. All the this and that emotional and biological frenzies we go through. Can really get to one, dude. But what I say is...Bra sit back and enjoy the ride.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Huh...Wondering Again

Now, we all claim that we cherished our loved ones and really can't stand to see them in pain. We tend to express endless love towards them and our mouths tend to be a fountain which words of love and so on come from. Thus many people I have spoken to wish to perish before their loved ones because they can't stand to see them suffer or die. But thinking about it... It is a selfish wish.

Well, now... If you really do love 'em, then you should want to die after all your loved ones. Why? Firstly, they would say the same about you dying. They would say that they wouldn't be able to go on without you. So, shouldering the pain is both admirable and more worthy of showing love towards them. Dying sooner than these people would be the easy way out. Almost cowardly.

Secondly, if you do believe in God or a/many super-natural beings, then retributions and paying of sin would also be a factor of dying after them. Again, why? Because living longer means more sins to commit or will be committed hence if your loved ones die before you, the lesser sin for them to commit or commit further. Even though, of course, you still screw your own life... but who cares, its about the ones you cherish, eh?

Sunday, June 8, 2008

That Lump in Your Throat

Don't you just hate that depressed and beat down feeling? The one that makes you feel you're not good enough for anything? That something deep inside you that won't stop hounding you down and preventing you from feeling good about anything? That lumpish and ground pulling feel. Those things which you often hate and wish to eradicate.

Sometimes that sickly disturbance from inside you can really drive you off the edge. But most of the time, dealing with it can drive you nuts. For me, its mostly caused by people around me. Most of the time I dig the earth, while others control me or judge me on how I do things. Those are the kinda things I hate. I hate to be controlled. And I hate to be judged by people who don't really know me.

I am the type of person who can't stand a life without freedom. Eventhough I'm single and very much by myself all the time, I often feel constraint. I feel barriers are closing on me and I must get rid of the chains which oppress me. Sometimes it could be parents, others school or friends that make me feel this way. But whatever it is, its pulling me down.

I feel that doing something and appreciating work takes time and patience. No deadline or order can make work better or more outstanding. Creativity and effort are precious and cannot be forced. People have their way with things. They might be brilliant in something but fail in another area. Therefore when I feel pushed around and are abused by people and their naive natures, I...hate them. I seriously hate people who show ignorance and do not appreaciate the value of people. I hate people who under appreciate efforts of individuals who sacrificed thier time on things they have commited to doing.

I have many instances. Projects; stuff thrown at me and I clean stuff up. After all those sleepless nights, I get pressured by members of my team who scrutinize my weaknesses and over-look my achievements. Those my friends are idiots, whom I wish the best for. Other types of ignorant people are imbecile who judge you by how you appear. These people feel superior because they don't eat with their mouths open and use tissues instead of towels. These people do not realise how ridiculous they actually appear; eating fish and chips with chopsticks and blatantly calling you off for what you stand. Their ignorance often makes them feel intellectually superior whilst they go around making remarks, endorsed by themselves, claiming to be true. These imbeciles are everywhere and are closer to you than you think.

You might be reading this and saying, geez whoever wrote must be an asshole or have no friends. 'What an arrogant bastard...writing about himself.' That might as well be the case. But if you were me, you might feel that your silence must be broken and now is the time to start being honest. Many times I smile, but don't feel incline to now. Practical jokes are still the agenda and so are rude remakes, but anything personal and you'll pay for it cunt.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Feel of Music

I've always held my emotions inside me. People often say that I'm cheerful or friendly, but there countless times in which all that happy emotion is just a mask I use to hide my real side. Most people do this but most have no way of putting it through or letting that horrible feeling inside go away.

Some have used sport as a way to express themselves. With the 'beat that asshole' type attitude to opponents. They show the grit, determination and perseverance to climb to the top of their game. Others use art as their tool of choice. With abstract art that grabs the attention of the on-looker and reeling them in the journey of work. Me on the other hand, have a more frustrating way of expression: Music.

The cliche that music being one of the most popular mediums of expressions is often miscalculated. It ain't as simple as it look, bra. Often playing an instrument can be the most frustrating thing in the world. If you're like me, finding that perfect note will often make one lose faith in an instrument or piece of music. However, when one finds that note, all the sensations and overwhelming joy make up for all those moments of bliss and uncertainty. That note is the seeping  sunlight creeping through all the doubt and unhappiness.

I have a tendency to play the guitar for hours on end. Sometimes neglecting my priorities. Often, I reduce my social contacts to only my family. I just turn that amp on, plug my guitar and play. Playing keeps me searching for that place I still have not discovered. Lemme tell you, despite playing and people telling you how much you've improved, what you feel inside is far from what they say. Whenever I go on an improvisational run, often I feel lost and just keep playing. Playing on to find that one note or perfect run. You may see videos of virtuosos expressing themselves and playing it on their instruments. Its not as easy as it looks. I have achieved that only a few times. The satisfaction is great beyond words when you feel the music and are able to translate what you feel onto the instrument. That feeling rewards you for your efforts. It can easily replace the hard work and often empty handed experiences one has had, again and again. For that moment the instrument and you are soul brothers.

What Ima trying to say is that. Even though being a teenager sucks ass at times, find ways to use that feeling and make good of it. Keeping finding new ways or that passion and turn it into something beautiful. That's hard for me...everything I make looks like s

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Makes Me Wonder...

You know, day-dreaming don't make you stupid or a time waster. The latter maybe...but its good to day-dream and wonder here and there. Inspirations come from moments of bliss...another words, it comes from when your slacking or it comes to you unexpectedly. It also makes you think... Think about stuff that you often ignore.

Scenario 1) Love and Finding Your True Love

I'm not desperate...but I am single. But its kinda the same thing...anyway...my friend once told me that he'll wait for his one girl. The girl who'll supposedly be the one. One in the sense of soul-mate and true love. Anyway, it got me thinking... What if everyone did have a true love. However no one will ever meet or even know about him or her. What if, your true love existed but in a different time? Due to the fact that the Earth has been around for a long time and during the course of time, every two persons have a bond. A bond of love or whatever. However those two will never meet because both of them were born in different times. Its really romantic thought but what if its true? Quite a bummer...

Scenario 2) No Two Things Are The Same

I dunno if they actually did something on this but...what if what you think something is not what the other person is interpreting...Confused? Same...What I'm trying to say is...what if what you see and heard and taste differs from everyone else...What if what you taste is sweet, another might interpret it as sour and another as bland or spicy... What if what you saw in your eyes is different form what others see...Imagine you see a human and the human has humanoid figure...but what if another person's brain saw humans as dinosaurs, or in the shape of dinosaurs...and another person saw humans as cats or something...Because, what you taste or feel or see is basically how your brain interprets it. So what if what you've been seeing isn't the remotely the same as everyone else and so on. Hmmm...If you didn't get that, just nod your head and pretend you know what I'm saying...

Scenario 3) Death

They say that when you die, your life will be flashed back in front of your eyes... What if that really did happen and that instead of highlights of your life being shown... What if your whole life was put on show and that every single bit of your life was put in front of your eyes... Well what if that happened and you died... Even when you die, you wouldn't know because your life was set to rewind and play again and you might think that your living in reality, but in actual fact it is a retold story and that one's mind does not comprehend fiction from reality. You are basically reliving your life in your head for all eternity... What if that were so? Wouldn't it be scary? Then wouldn't fate be inevitable because you are basically an audience of your life however you are so engrossed within the show that you think you can control the character that is you. Only to find it difficult because you cannot.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Music Scene In Singapore, by someone who doesn't seem to know alot about it

Music scene in Singapore. More scene than music. Yes, that is true. Loads of guys leaning to pop music and having no identity. WARNING: This article is really subjective and bias...Do not read if you are easily offended. Really...I'm warning you!

If you are reading this...its either you can't listen to instructions or you really can't be bothered and have loads of free time...Well, anyway...Music in Singapore is very mixed. Mixed in the sense that you have very strong sides in which voice their opinion. For example...the only way to fucking survive as a musician is to play fucked up boring tradiotional songs. Either that or to play the screwed up aristocratical show-off opera music. Why am I so tough on these genres...well, I'm not happy with the fact 'child prodigy' is a term given to children who can play classical music. Why can't heavy-metal musicians who are teens be labelled as 'child prodigy'? Why? Is it because the person who labels them as such is a bias old hag who feels that children who are inclined toward their, their meaning the old person's music, is therefore applicable to that term?

Come on honestly...Blues guitarists Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Page and Don Felder made their mark from not so fortunate backgrounds. Those fellas had to be self-taught and learn the trade by their teens. They couldn't afford to be classically trained, yet their impact on music is fucking bigger. Eventhough they acheived fame later in their lives, they have impacted future generations. Yet however, people are still claiming to be progressive and all that crap but still are more inclined to favouring some boy or girl whose family could afford an education on music which bores people. You argue...o, you are to hard on this music...but honestly, how many of you actually listen to Mozart or Bach or Vivaldi? I have and I am lucky to even be here typing this...I thought I'd never be alive.

If you want flair and musical prowess...listen to Jazz or Blues. Jazz musicians have so much flair that will bedazzled by their improvisational skills. Same with blues...These types of music do not have to be beautifully composed on a piece of paper and made correct till there is no life. No! Jazz and Blues is strictly improvisation. How the piece makes you feel you play it. You don't need an orchestrator who is ridiculously paid to tell you how a note should be played. No! You decide and play it as you feel. Expression is what they orchestrator is paid for...he basically shows you how to express the piece...well therefore if he is getting paid for that, why not you show your own feel of the piece? How? By playing Blues and Jazz.

Another thing I've noticed about music here is the sense of identity loss. People here are zombies who know noting of other genres till a new genre becomes mainstream or 'pop'. Now its Indie music...why? Cos teens here are only aware of MTV and Billboards. Its not MTV's fault...Its the teens. Why can't they have their own mind and choose what they wanna hear? Instead of some DJ putting a record on which is mildy popular overseas and then someone claims that the song is great and others follow in. Its bonkers! If you really appreciate Indie and are a big fan...I salute you. But to those who are just innit for the crowd...Buzz off. Honestly...If you wanna know the most honest music, by the way...its Metal. I'm not a fan of Metal but I appreciate its honesty. If the singer is pissed...he'll sing it pissed. It simple and crystal clear.

Some people are pathetic...they don't even realise music existed 5 weeks ago. All they know is what's hot and popular. By the way...I never really liked "Hey There Delila" or whatever. I thought "Vincent" or listening to Cat Power was miles better. But..hey...that's just me.

Being a guitarist or guitar player sucks ass now. It used to be...O, I play guitar thank you. You could get away feeling smug...but now you see shit loads of novice players. Its not that I don't like them, its just its damn lame now knowing that there are others how share the same skill as you do. But what I do like about that is...I'm different. I'm a follower of Blues. So, my foundations lie on Blues...Not many Blues guitarists in Singapore. I might not be one of the best...not by a long shot...but at least I have a sense of identity. Loads of guys carry guitars claiming how good they are...but if you jam with them...you get more fun talking to an egg. They really have no knowledge of playing their own songs or improvising. All they depend on is a computer screen to direct them on which string and fret to press. All they know is chopping strings up with harsh struming and power chords. I should know...I'm not a good guitarist but I do know my basics and I know basic and common scales and all that stuff...but when I jam with people who claim to be good guitar players...they haven't got a clue what a scale is. Its mad!

After all this and that...I have to say...I see now why classically trained musicians are better in life. At least they know their shit. Its not a fad for them. Unlike all the rest who go...O, I like this song and ooo, I like this one better. But what I want is to see a talented group rise and become successful from Singapore. I don't mean Electrico...honestly do you know any of their songs? If you do...sing it. No? Fine, see my point. But for now...its still all a dream. More like a nightmare to be honest...I always wanted to be a session musician...but looks like I'll end up an animator or something I don't enjoy.