Emotions, Sweet, Raging Can't Get Enough Of Screwed Up, Emotions

If you made it pass the title, well done! Being an adolescent sucks ass. Not only are we being constantly reminded of the dangers of our surroundings, but we are also forced to deal with unnecessary biological and psychological changes.

Biologically we have to face anatomical and facial catastrophes. For example, we stink. And to all the jocks out there... Yea, even though you love showing off yours abs and whatever you body can achieve with all the free time you have, please refrain from wearing too little or no clothes at all. Yes. You too have odors. Having said that. Other natural disasters include: the breaking of one's voice, however sexy it may seem it does get annoying, the growing pimples which erupt when one's dormant... Geddit? Forget it. Anyway, I can get a slight idea of what people meant when they say that before adulthood, one must go through the difficult process and blah blah. Well, I think what they meant was puberty, with the pimples and the whatever.

Wots worse than having a smelly body with erupting volcanic pimples? The mind of a teenager. All that mental jibber jabber and emotional roller coasters. I mean everything has a really sucky feeling.

Love for example. Often mixed with crushes or premature emotional state of love. But when you have that feeling, it brings you down. The whole process of getting to get the one who fancy to notice you can really bring you down. You have to play the game of anticipating her reactions and the anxiety toils and turns you inside, pulling you down. Then almost-intuitively, you doubt yourself and wonder if she is the one. You doubt her acceptance of you... Rejection is thy name, be humbled upon my arrival. Yet, you see and feel a glimmer of hope. Her smile, her presence and acknowledgment of your presence sends a beam of light onto you. That glimmer of hope gets you up and the will burns on. But with the two contrasting emotions that turmoil inside of you make you hurt and wreck you from inside. The colliding feelings inevitable hurting you. The euphoria being pulled down by melancholy, quakes through your heart and you feel yourself distancing away from her. The room suddenly feels claustrophobic as your heart sinks inside of you and the room narrows in on it.

Another feeling which defines your adolescent-hood, is the fact you want to be alone. You lament on how no one understands you. This doesn't always happen, but it does creep in once in a while. Ironically, you do need that someone and you don't know how to handle these to contradicting feelings. Bummer. You crave to be alone at times away from it all but you do need that someone to talk to. That close friend, or bud. That's when the trust issue surfaces. You either become to open or you hardly trust that dude. Or maybe your openness and friendly nature will be your downfall and you have difficulties accepting new people. Who knows?

Those are some of the things we pay for, for growing up. All the this and that emotional and biological frenzies we go through. Can really get to one, dude. But what I say is...Bra sit back and enjoy the ride.

Huh...Wondering Again

Now, we all claim that we cherished our loved ones and really can't stand to see them in pain. We tend to express endless love towards them and our mouths tend to be a fountain which words of love and so on come from. Thus many people I have spoken to wish to perish before their loved ones because they can't stand to see them suffer or die. But thinking about it... It is a selfish wish.

Well, now... If you really do love 'em, then you should want to die after all your loved ones. Why? Firstly, they would say the same about you dying. They would say that they wouldn't be able to go on without you. So, shouldering the pain is both admirable and more worthy of showing love towards them. Dying sooner than these people would be the easy way out. Almost cowardly.

Secondly, if you do believe in God or a/many super-natural beings, then retributions and paying of sin would also be a factor of dying after them. Again, why? Because living longer means more sins to commit or will be committed hence if your loved ones die before you, the lesser sin for them to commit or commit further. Even though, of course, you still screw your own life... but who cares, its about the ones you cherish, eh?

That Lump in Your Throat

Don't you just hate that depressed and beat down feeling? The one that makes you feel you're not good enough for anything? That something deep inside you that won't stop hounding you down and preventing you from feeling good about anything? That lumpish and ground pulling feel. Those things which you often hate and wish to eradicate.

Sometimes that sickly disturbance from inside you can really drive you off the edge. But most of the time, dealing with it can drive you nuts. For me, its mostly caused by people around me. Most of the time I dig the earth, while others control me or judge me on how I do things. Those are the kinda things I hate. I hate to be controlled. And I hate to be judged by people who don't really know me.

I am the type of person who can't stand a life without freedom. Eventhough I'm single and very much by myself all the time, I often feel constraint. I feel barriers are closing on me and I must get rid of the chains which oppress me. Sometimes it could be parents, others school or friends that make me feel this way. But whatever it is, its pulling me down.

I feel that doing something and appreciating work takes time and patience. No deadline or order can make work better or more outstanding. Creativity and effort are precious and cannot be forced. People have their way with things. They might be brilliant in something but fail in another area. Therefore when I feel pushed around and are abused by people and their naive natures, I...hate them. I seriously hate people who show ignorance and do not appreaciate the value of people. I hate people who under appreciate efforts of individuals who sacrificed thier time on things they have commited to doing.

I have many instances. Projects; stuff thrown at me and I clean stuff up. After all those sleepless nights, I get pressured by members of my team who scrutinize my weaknesses and over-look my achievements. Those my friends are idiots, whom I wish the best for. Other types of ignorant people are imbecile who judge you by how you appear. These people feel superior because they don't eat with their mouths open and use tissues instead of towels. These people do not realise how ridiculous they actually appear; eating fish and chips with chopsticks and blatantly calling you off for what you stand. Their ignorance often makes them feel intellectually superior whilst they go around making remarks, endorsed by themselves, claiming to be true. These imbeciles are everywhere and are closer to you than you think.

You might be reading this and saying, geez whoever wrote must be an asshole or have no friends. 'What an arrogant bastard...writing about himself.' That might as well be the case. But if you were me, you might feel that your silence must be broken and now is the time to start being honest. Many times I smile, but don't feel incline to now. Practical jokes are still the agenda and so are rude remakes, but anything personal and you'll pay for it cunt.