Angst Years of My Life

Teenage Kicks. We've all had 'em. We can't control 'em sometimes. It's funny that when you're young, you really can't wait to grow older and do things which grown ups do. The sad part is when you can do all those 'wonderful new things', it's pretty much anticlimactic.

Think about it, the glories of being an adult and the stuff you can do could be your downfall. As a child, you don't have not much worries through your actions. Breaking a vase or losing dad's favourite book isn't as bad as breaking the law or losing your virginity. Think deeper. The reason for the stuff you did when you were younger were largely based on your capacity to have fun. Past that stage and onto pre-adult life, your fun is risky kicks which might end up kicking you in the back.

But, honestly, you can't back out of some things that you do. Like for me, most of the things I do are for acceptance. I mean, as a teen, you feel like nobody understands you and the stuff you go through and you want to be part of a group which can facilitate to your needs. These social groups are formed by the insecurities of teens. Popular kids need to be told or felt like they're God's gift to the school, in the other end of the spectrum, 'weird' kids have a tendency to dress and prefer different things from the mainstream following crowd. In their respective groups, they get that attention they crave.

Take me for example. I've never really gone out and painted the town red or had loads of chicks. I'm also a very individualistic person, in the sense that I'm competitive and hate large organisations or social groups. I feel that it kills the individual's creative prowess and overwhelms the person's ability to shine. I also wanted to show people that I could do something not many can, or are good at. I wanted to stand out. So I looked towards music. Initially, it was due to acceptance. I wanted people to like me. My insecurities got the better of me when I told myself that girls digged guitarists. So I practiced religiously at home and played till late at night. However, despite my persistence, I never had females coming to me to be blasted by some riff or lick I learnt and practiced. Sucked ass, I know. But it goes to show how much you're willing to go to be accepted by others. However, over time, as I grew more attached to music and honed my playing abilities at home and in school, I began getting recognised by some people. So, I guess in that sense, you never get what you want. But what you had wanted might come when you least expect it.

Other people might do other things. Me, I tell jokes. I want to speak to people and I do that via stories, anecdotes and jokes. Anything to get guys to speak to me, pretty girls to communicate with... The desire to be accepted is something quite forceful. I see girls wearing layer after layer of make-up to make themselves more attractive. It's not wrong, it's just the way we teenagers and young adults do stuff to get noticed and accepted. Some dudes dress flamboyantly, others do cheap stunts. Drug addicts, smokers...you name 'em. Peer pressure to be part of a group or to maintain the same friends you have.

Teenage life is one which is not without drama, my friend. It's sure as hell is fun but it's also one that make one look pathetic. Usually sub-conscious to that individual but the desire to be part of a group, to be accepted, to be loved, to be understood...it's some of the things we teenage have, or are going, through and has is the fuel for us doing what we do and how behave. Of course, you could say that familial upbringings play a part, but there are some cases where prestiges families have kids who do silly things due to external influences. But this is just my take. This is what I feel about life as a adolescent. All these hormones and curiosity mixed with hidden desires and cravings...You'll never know man...

That Berk at Work

Throughout my short life i do recall,
Many people i often appall.
Non more so than the ones who smile
And talk to you for a short while.
The ones who'd shadow your little bright glow
And off-set your strenuous daily work flow.
They often are found lingering around at work,
But are plainly called 'your everyday berk'

They're here and there and come in all shapes and sizes,
Trust me, my friend, its harder to win prizes.
Everywhere you go, you cannot hide,
Don't turn left...yep, he's there by your side.
You're brought up thinking about people and society,
But all they say is just 'me, me, me'
A tight slap across their face Will do just fine,
But alas, nah...you won't waste your time.

In schools they often distract you,
Doing things that often displease you.
After a while it get quite boring,
'Stop it right now! its getting pretty annoying!'
All these people should just be away,
Go somewhere far, or be gone for a day.
Projects are due in a few days time,
Berks of them sorts keep wasting your time.

But really, when you look closer, you'll be amazed at what you see,
You think to yourself, 'wait that's really me.'
Yes, those people who get you down,
They're just like you, you dumb stupid clown.
You're too blind, to silly to see
That people like them are actually you and me.
So the next time your about shout colourful words at that silly turd
Just remember, he's as bad as you are you judgemental berk

Happy New Year!

WOOOO! BOOYAY! New Year's Day! Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009! All right!

Nah. Today, as in 1st January 2009, which was yesterday cos I'm posting it the following day, hence...yesterday, 1st January 2009 was the most insane day ever. Don't usually post my daily events, but today was special...In the sadistic, off-beat sense.

3...2...1...Happy New Year!

Not so much for me. I was at gibson.com learning thru their new online lessons. Honestly, Arlen Roth is amazing. That dude can play anything! Was watching, and learning from, him playing B.B. King licks. Sweet as ever...So, I picked up Pattie and played...till around 3 or 4ish. Hmm, I said to myself, a bit late. So i slept...ish.

Shrugged here and there on me bed and felt this strange vibration on my head. I couldn't have been shitfaced...you know, drunk. Cos, I don't drink. Then I realised it was my phone. Eight o'clock...I muttered and cursed under my breath. Not long later, I went back to sleep.

Beep-beep...Again? I picked up my mobile phone and half consciously read the screen. Scanned thru it, hardly. And then, my heart raced...The words 'Meetup', 'shooting (as in film), 'late' appeared. Shit. I had a film shoot and I was late. The thing starts at 9 and I was 2 hours late. Didn't help that the location was at the other side of the Island. So, I rushed to the bathroom, had a quick shower, brushed my teeth, put on some new clothes and then ran out of the door to the bus stop.

12pm. I was about 15 minutes away from the location. I called my friend and apologised. I also asked him which bus to take, cos I wasn't sure how to get there. He told and I...I should have been listening. So I jumped on a bus and was headed towards the right place. However, the bus suddenly turned to an unknown location...to me anyway. As I looked out the window, my mind was cursing. So I jumped off the bus and ran towards, what I thought was, the right direction. It was, until I saw fences. So, I ran back where I came from and ran around the fences. As I jogged, every once in a while, I would enter some void deck and wonder, thinking if this is the right place.

Finally, I reached the place. I was so relieved, tired, I couldn't say anything. I kept keeping to myself cos I was really that tired and kept reassuring everyone I was fine. Unfortunately, it rained. After a succession of shoots, it began to rain...heavily. So we packed up and decided to head home.

This is where it all got interesting. As my friends and I went our separate ways, I went to check if a particular bus headed somewhere near my house. Apparently, it didn't and I went off it. As I did, my bladder felt full and urged me to go to the toilet. So, I checked the back of the bus and ran across the street. Big Mistake.

As I ran, a car came onto me. I saw it and I jumped back...BANG! I was hit by an on-coming vehicle. Time slowed down before impact. You saw the situation slowly but your helpless to prevent it. All I did was jump back and it was enough for me to be unscathed. As I hit the side of the car, my ass hit the side mirror and broke it. My shoulder scraped the top of the car and then my bottom cushion the fall. I got up quickly and felt a slight scratch on my hand. Checked myself...no blood. Phew. I manage to pick myself quickly and go to the car to apologise. Funnily enough, I was so fast, that when I went to the car, the driver hadn't even had the chance to put the clutch down.

I was a wimp at this stage and started apologising like a determined flyer boy passing out flyers. I wanted this whole thing to go away and put it behind...I was fine, no injuries and most importantly...I had to go to the bathroom. Urgently. But it all happened really fast and my mind was like...You need to go to the toilet...NOW! The driver, poor dude...kept asking if I wanted to see the doctor. I kept refusing telling him, I'd rather pay for the broken mirror. In the end, all was fine...I think...I mean we all went home after that.

A weird thing was that, a friend said there was actually a police car present...How did they miss an idiot being hit by a car?