That Lump in Your Throat

Don't you just hate that depressed and beat down feeling? The one that makes you feel you're not good enough for anything? That something deep inside you that won't stop hounding you down and preventing you from feeling good about anything? That lumpish and ground pulling feel. Those things which you often hate and wish to eradicate.

Sometimes that sickly disturbance from inside you can really drive you off the edge. But most of the time, dealing with it can drive you nuts. For me, its mostly caused by people around me. Most of the time I dig the earth, while others control me or judge me on how I do things. Those are the kinda things I hate. I hate to be controlled. And I hate to be judged by people who don't really know me.

I am the type of person who can't stand a life without freedom. Eventhough I'm single and very much by myself all the time, I often feel constraint. I feel barriers are closing on me and I must get rid of the chains which oppress me. Sometimes it could be parents, others school or friends that make me feel this way. But whatever it is, its pulling me down.

I feel that doing something and appreciating work takes time and patience. No deadline or order can make work better or more outstanding. Creativity and effort are precious and cannot be forced. People have their way with things. They might be brilliant in something but fail in another area. Therefore when I feel pushed around and are abused by people and their naive natures, I...hate them. I seriously hate people who show ignorance and do not appreaciate the value of people. I hate people who under appreciate efforts of individuals who sacrificed thier time on things they have commited to doing.

I have many instances. Projects; stuff thrown at me and I clean stuff up. After all those sleepless nights, I get pressured by members of my team who scrutinize my weaknesses and over-look my achievements. Those my friends are idiots, whom I wish the best for. Other types of ignorant people are imbecile who judge you by how you appear. These people feel superior because they don't eat with their mouths open and use tissues instead of towels. These people do not realise how ridiculous they actually appear; eating fish and chips with chopsticks and blatantly calling you off for what you stand. Their ignorance often makes them feel intellectually superior whilst they go around making remarks, endorsed by themselves, claiming to be true. These imbeciles are everywhere and are closer to you than you think.

You might be reading this and saying, geez whoever wrote must be an asshole or have no friends. 'What an arrogant bastard...writing about himself.' That might as well be the case. But if you were me, you might feel that your silence must be broken and now is the time to start being honest. Many times I smile, but don't feel incline to now. Practical jokes are still the agenda and so are rude remakes, but anything personal and you'll pay for it cunt.