Angst Years of My Life

Teenage Kicks. We've all had 'em. We can't control 'em sometimes. It's funny that when you're young, you really can't wait to grow older and do things which grown ups do. The sad part is when you can do all those 'wonderful new things', it's pretty much anticlimactic.

Think about it, the glories of being an adult and the stuff you can do could be your downfall. As a child, you don't have not much worries through your actions. Breaking a vase or losing dad's favourite book isn't as bad as breaking the law or losing your virginity. Think deeper. The reason for the stuff you did when you were younger were largely based on your capacity to have fun. Past that stage and onto pre-adult life, your fun is risky kicks which might end up kicking you in the back.

But, honestly, you can't back out of some things that you do. Like for me, most of the things I do are for acceptance. I mean, as a teen, you feel like nobody understands you and the stuff you go through and you want to be part of a group which can facilitate to your needs. These social groups are formed by the insecurities of teens. Popular kids need to be told or felt like they're God's gift to the school, in the other end of the spectrum, 'weird' kids have a tendency to dress and prefer different things from the mainstream following crowd. In their respective groups, they get that attention they crave.

Take me for example. I've never really gone out and painted the town red or had loads of chicks. I'm also a very individualistic person, in the sense that I'm competitive and hate large organisations or social groups. I feel that it kills the individual's creative prowess and overwhelms the person's ability to shine. I also wanted to show people that I could do something not many can, or are good at. I wanted to stand out. So I looked towards music. Initially, it was due to acceptance. I wanted people to like me. My insecurities got the better of me when I told myself that girls digged guitarists. So I practiced religiously at home and played till late at night. However, despite my persistence, I never had females coming to me to be blasted by some riff or lick I learnt and practiced. Sucked ass, I know. But it goes to show how much you're willing to go to be accepted by others. However, over time, as I grew more attached to music and honed my playing abilities at home and in school, I began getting recognised by some people. So, I guess in that sense, you never get what you want. But what you had wanted might come when you least expect it.

Other people might do other things. Me, I tell jokes. I want to speak to people and I do that via stories, anecdotes and jokes. Anything to get guys to speak to me, pretty girls to communicate with... The desire to be accepted is something quite forceful. I see girls wearing layer after layer of make-up to make themselves more attractive. It's not wrong, it's just the way we teenagers and young adults do stuff to get noticed and accepted. Some dudes dress flamboyantly, others do cheap stunts. Drug addicts, smokers...you name 'em. Peer pressure to be part of a group or to maintain the same friends you have.

Teenage life is one which is not without drama, my friend. It's sure as hell is fun but it's also one that make one look pathetic. Usually sub-conscious to that individual but the desire to be part of a group, to be accepted, to be loved, to be understood...it's some of the things we teenage have, or are going, through and has is the fuel for us doing what we do and how behave. Of course, you could say that familial upbringings play a part, but there are some cases where prestiges families have kids who do silly things due to external influences. But this is just my take. This is what I feel about life as a adolescent. All these hormones and curiosity mixed with hidden desires and cravings...You'll never know man...